Reconnecting with You from My Place of Happiness
So I’ve been a little quiet over here in the Peace Parlor this past year while I took the business risk of taking a break from some of my online outreach.
The decision unfolded as part of my learning a core principle of Nonviolent or Compassionate Communication (NVC), which is to steer my life toward doing things from inspiration, rather than from duty or obligation. I had noticed that I had fallen into feelings of resistance and many thoughts of “having to” write my e-newsletter/blog.
So I slowed it all down at Peaceabl and started noticing which networking and outreach activities were fun and fulfilling for me, and which were not. Now I am reaching out to you from a place of missing being in connection and wanting to share my discoveries with you. Yay!
Inspiration Trumps ‘Should-ing’ On Ourselves
A common first thought response to this NVC ‘principle of inspiration’ is, “this world would fall apart if people just did what they felt like doing. That’s irresponsible! We do have responsibilities you know.”
Yes, we do. In fact our whole lives are built around taking care of our core universal human needs and those of other people around us, at work and at home. All day long, even while we sleep:)
But when I take on those responsibilities because I “should” or “have to” then I and everyone around me pay the heavy prices –
deadening of my passion and aliveness.
The inspiration principle offers me the option to stay in touch with how I am feeling, noticing the emotional ‘pings’ my heart sends me, which keeps me in touch with what I am needing, wanting and valuing in my life. I just need to listen.
In my example of Peaceabl outreach, that means that I stay in touch with how much I love contributing to your ability to create peaceful, warm and cooperative relationships with yourself and others. I let my actions come from that awareness, rather than from the awareness of, “I’m running a business here and that means I ‘should’ get the word out every week.”
It also means that I pay attention to whether or not the people in my life are doing things for me from a heartfelt place or from a ‘shouldy-have-to’ place.
When I notice the ‘shoulds’ are getting heavy, it’s time for a new plan. It’s time to inquire – with an open mind and heart.
What makes this difficult for you to do for me?
What are you wanting from this exchange?
What would make it more heartfelt for you?
I’m currently in this kind of inspiration dialogue with my husband who wants to quit his family job of grocery shopping.
Attitude is everything, right?
For example, I let my heart lead my covid19 protocols when I think about it in the context of helping people avoid a painful disease rather than putting on my mask because “the government says so.”
Can you hear old obsolete parent tapes playing here – “because I said so?” Did that ever inspire you to do a great job, to give even more of your passion and creativity to the task? No, yuk!
Sharing My Learning Adventures
As part of figuring out what I want to share with you in the upcoming weeks, I looked back at my year. I was swept with big feelings of happiness and gratitude for the rich experiences I have been blessed to have and that I want to share with you.
I feel genuinely inspired to put words to what I have been learning so that you might benefit too, and to let you know that I’m here for you with a best-of attitude.
I want you to call me, whenever you feel frustrated, confused or resentful about a relationship and you want to resolve the conflict areas in a calm, emotionally safe way. I want to help you transform its very foundation, with new, creative, and compassionate agreements that inspire everyone involved. Even with people you may have given up on a long time ago.
I’m looking forward to sharing some life and conflict resolution adventures with you here in the coming months. Here are a few topics I’ve been playing with…
As always, please feel free to share your conflict and relationship (work or home) topics or questions you would like me to reflect on and write about here. Of course I will protect your privacy, with no mention of your name or details.
I hope you feel inspired to engage with me as I share fresh, real life peacemaking and relationship transformation, with practices that you can do for yourself. Let’s use our moments together to create greater levels of peace and love in your self growth and relationship adventures!
Peace and many blessings,
Catherine Cooley is a mediator and a communication coach. She has worked in environments of extreme conflict including prisons, the court system and local communities teaching what she calls "Breakthrough Conversations." She specializes in helping people foster clear, respectful, warm, cooperative relationships at home and in the workplace.
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