It's faster and easier to fix than you think.
Your habitual way of being is making things worse.
A simple, reliable system gives you clarity in safe, calm conversations to:
1) Get your needs met.
2) Create new agreements to move forward with cooperation and respect.
If Your Pain Level is above a 6 or 7, click for help.
Click the blue button above to schedule a free 50-minute Breakthrough Conversation with me. In this one-on-one, live video consultation, we will:
If you prefer a phone call, dial my direct line:
Or by email:
cc (at) Peaceabl (dot) com
Model Trusted by top organizations:
What is your #1 Biggest Relationship Issue Now?
Trouble at Home with Your Spouse or Partner?
The Couples Blueprint provides quick help for relationship conversations. This free guide can actually mean the difference between your primary life relationship succeeding or failing. In as little as 10 minutes, you and your spouse (or partner) can get your relationship on the mend.
Click to download your free Couples Breakthrough Conversation Blueprint.
Trouble at Work with Your Business Team?
The Business Teams Blueprint quick relief for business teams, partners or individual employee issues. In as little as 10 minutes, three conversations can get you back on track with any social relationship at work that's gone awry.
Click to download your free Business Breakthrough Conversation Blueprint.
What Is My Superpower?
I'm a Court-Approved Mediator
Empathic Communication Coach
Large Group Council Circle Leader
As a trained mediator, I can work with two people in conflict, or entire groups in conflict. In many court situations I've seen, the parties may start out with quite severe grievances against each other. By instilling compassion into the mediation process, I help each person separate out his or her individual needs from emotions. Then I help everyone become conscious of judgments or stories they may be holding about the other parties that make resolution more difficult. Finally, I show them that they can get their needs met without creating "enemy images" or believing things that aren't true about others. Often, everyone ends up on the same team, wanting to help each other.
I teach people the "inner game" of emotions and needs. This allows my clients to get clear inside themselves before connecting with another. This "emotions literacy" and "needs literacy" training takes time, but pays huge dividends. My clients solve their current issue, while learning a new way of being. Instead of giving them a fish, which lasts a day, I teach them how to fish, by helping them distinguish their own and other feelings and needs, allowing them to resolve conflicts for a lifetime. My clients gain a new superpower they can apply to create successful relationships for the rest of their life.
Trying to be "efficient" with people doesn't work, as Stephen Covey has shown. You can only be effective with people. My entire career is a testament to the fact that the best way for three or more people to drop into their hearts quickly and deeply is through a council circle. This is how you as mom, manager or coach can be most effective with the people in your life. I've developed a process I call Mediated Council Circle for maximum bonding & understanding. Circle replaces the "negotiating table." Combining mediation, empathic communication and circle helps the parties resolve conflict and come to new agreements together faster than any other method.
Having deep experience in all three of these skill sets allows me to tackle difficult situations other professionals can't handle. Consider for example...
If your business partnership sours...
After coaching you alone and gathering all relevant facts from those involved, I can bring in your business partner and we'll work to achieve a mediated win/win solution together...
I can teach you and your team how to have authentic conversations, putting individual and organizational needs on the table early, before derailed emotions make them major business SNAFUs.
Business meetings, when there is strong emotion present, are sometimes best held in council circle format also. Although many business people believe you can use hierarchy to run over personal feelings, successful mediated solutions emerge, miraculously, from a circle.
If you have trouble in your marriage...
After coaching you separately, I can bring in your parter / spouse and we can work to a mediated resolution together...
I can teach you and your spouse how to work through all the most difficult repeated conflict areas to breakthrough conversations, moving you both from a past of resentment to a future of love.
We can bring in any other relevant parties who may be influencing your spouse behind the scenes, so that all the facts are on the table. The work has a sacred context that each one is worthy of compassion. Council circle brings the sacred element, whenever three or more involved in the conversation.
If your daughter is bullied at school...
I can bring in the "bully," "bully's" parent, your daughter, and you all into the room for a mediated resolution.
I can teach your daughter how to manage what happened and to coach her in the inner and outer emotional game to avoid it in the future. This will strengthen her for the rest of her life.
Together, we discover what the "bully's" needs were and distinguish these needs from their tragic expression. Sitting in sacred council circle together, we're tapping into wisdom of communities for the past 10,000 years who sat in circle before us. There is empathy present (from empathic communication) and we speak and listen from the heart.
Words fall short in describing my gratitude for Catherine Cooley’s coaching and mediation. Catherine’s mediation, compassionate communication and coaching skills have helped me navigate and resolve many difficult situations. I have utilized Catherine’s skills to resolve employee difficulties on five separate occasions leading to: one employee termination, two employee transitions, one waive of labor claim coupled with increase in interpersonal skills necessary for effective capacity in job description and one employee quit and eviction following legal counsel. In the first 4 situations, I was able to preserve the rapport, integrity and care of my relationships which has continued to this day. In the latter, I acquired the strength and clarity to seek legal counsel to preserve the safety and autonomy of my family.
On a personal level, I have sat in sacred circle with Catherine for many years and witnessed her depth of care and mastery. I have also observed Catherine mediate large community camping circles involving teens and parents grappling with painful issues surrounding differentiation, experimentation and substance abuse. I have also utilized Catherine’s coaching for areas in my personal life that needed support in moving forward, such as agreements with my son, personal time management, goal setting and action steps. Catherine’s skills are broad, exceptional and heartfelt. I highly recommend her service.
Catherine Cooley is an exceptional coach and mediator. I am a big fan and refer her to others a lot. She embodies Compassionate or Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by modeling empathy, honesty, self-connection, mutuality and gratitude - wherever she is. She has mediated twice for me - once with my family and then with a friend and colleague for the purpose of relationship repair. Both mediations were productive, effective and led to resolutions and emotional ease. I felt supported and respected with her coaching and her mediation.
I also co-facilitate an NVC practice group with Catherine. I enjoy our collaboration and it has been a joy working with her.
I really appreciate Catherine's focus on slowing things down and inviting folks to be self connected. Her natural compassion creates an atmosphere of trust and connection between everyone present.
Thank you – that was a beautiful, comprehensive summary. You really zeroed in on the points of pain for me. I feel more space, and freedom. Yes, being heard and reflected by you Catherine was like a healing balm – covering my wounded heart. I am tearing up. It feels so good to be heard.
Appreciation and gratitude for new awareness, authenticity and understanding. I am grateful for the safety and structure of the mediation – brilliant, happy to experience you Catherine.
Also: you did a brilliant job facilitating council circles for our non-profit organization. Your presence was calm and peaceful - yet powerful, creating an atmosphere of relaxation and connection that inspired deep and authentic sharing. We would be delighted to have you work with us again in the future.
My work with Catherine brings me important insights and inspiration to look at things from a totally new angle. Her sessions help me feel more connected to myself and to my husband. We both got reconnected to the deeper good intentions we still have for each other, and are now in a more powerful place of hope and vision for our relationship.
Catherine’s work is action oriented. She has a knack for digging up the real issues and figuring out how to deal with them.
As a gourmet consumer of psychotherapists and coaches, I have worked with some very skilled and well known facilitators and therapists, and Catherine is right in there with them. I never feel that I need to hold back with Catherine - she invites all of it, and has the capacity, understanding and skill to keep the conversation safe and on track. What has perhaps been most surprising is how calm and clear our sessions are, even when we are diving into challenging issues. She is able to create safety and comfort for people who are hesitant to share and open up and never wavers in her level of care for both parties.
Her session notes have been very organized and helpful. The notes reinforce the work we’ve done, and prevent us from having to hash and rehash the past over and over again. In our video call sessions I was surprised at how connected and focused we were. The safety and warmth of the conversation felt as if we were all in the same room.
I recommend Catherine as a resource to my patients when they are having relationship problems. I have learned so much from her program that I will be able to use for the rest of my life. I am grateful that I now have a solid method and strategy for speaking directly with people. Her program has been a priceless investment for me and my family.
Wow that was so amazing. I've felt such a lifegasm after talking to you. I feel connected to my power and so inspired and humbled full of forgiveness and connected to my life force in the space you hold for me. This has been such an answer to prayer. I look forward to growing and expanding together.